Thirsty

So. For the past three days, I have possessed an insatiable thirst. You may think I am being figurative, but no... my words are quite literal. I cannot get enough water. I drink glass after glass, bottle after bottle. I'm still thirsty. I feel mostly normal in every other regard. I do so hope this is a phase.

There's another kind of thirst, though, that I long for. A thirst for the Lord. Oh, how I desire to be insatiably thirsty for Jesus. If only I could be driven by intense and unrelenting instinct to drink full of sweet time with him at every opportunity. I want to be always thirsty, but I find that I only drink at scheduled meals--like morning devotions and pre-dinner prayers. NO! I want a thirst that drives me to drink of Jesus at every moment. Abba, make me thirsty--and give me Living Water.

A Prayer

A while ago, I journaled this prayer after reading about Jesus healing the lame man in the book of Mark. The prayer keeps coming back to me, more potent than before. I thought it was worth sharing.

Abba,

I am so quickly overwhelmed by my imperfections--physically, emotionally, intellectually ,spiritually. but instead of healing my lame feet, you say, "Daughter, your sins are forgiven." What? I think you forgot. I came in with a different problem. But you knew my need. Yes. You knew.  needed to be right with You. So you forgave me. Remade me. You told me my identity should be wrapped up in my forgiven-and-loved status with you. I need to quit seeing my lame feet and rejoice in my free heart. You are what I need, not an A+ intellect and perfect performance. You are what I need, not affirmation through the respect of my peers and colleagues. You are what I need. Help me rest in the Gospel as a beloved daughter, and, freed from fear, carry on with strength and (your) wisdom.

...
And there's more.
But long and short of it-- He has a better perspective and a better plan.

Make Believe

When we were young, we just like to pretend to work like mom and dad---playing kitchen, mowing the lawn, etc. We grow a little older, and we ponder what we want to "be when we grow up." It's all about becoming. Then, all of the sudden, we are adults. The long anticipated future is not at all like play. It's only intermittently fun. It's tiring. It's even lonely.

But do we have to think like that? What if we challenged ourselves not to think of the weekend as our "me" time, our rest, our joy. What if we believed that a life lived in front of Jesus can be full of joy and pleasure at every turn? Weariness, sure... but what if we dared to enjoy the mundane? What if we pushed to delight in our work by remembering that God instituted work before the fall? We were meant to care for and cultivate something-- and that something was not a love of self. It was world. A world of  creativity and beauty, made for the glory of our Creator. Our work is not just an economic necessity--it's part of who we were made to be. Sure, not all of us our in our ideal job. Some of us serve in an under-appreciated position as wives and mommas. Some of us (*cough, cough*) find our ideal job a little more daunting than anticipated! :)

I'm preaching to myself. I have always looked forward to working, but real life has been a wake-up call. It's filled with unforeseen challenges, tough decisions, temptation to worry, helplessness to fix the world's brokenness, and more. I love teaching, but it's so time consuming that sometimes I get irritated that I do not have time to do as I please in the evenings--or even on my Saturdays. Sometimes I worry way too much about the loans I'm not paying off very quickly. Sometimes I worry about what next year will bring.

Maybe it's time I rethink my definition of the good life. I think I define "the good life" as life full of time to spend how I please, the ability to regularly be with my dear friends, and financial security.

But really, the good life is every day, every step with Jesus, isn't it?

I hope I can learn to walk like that.